2019-01-04 - It's Pronounced "Giff"

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Session Overview

4th January 2019
Players present

The Plot

Following the holiday rat invasion, Purity's gone on vacation for the New Year. Adventurers are hanging around, staff have gone on vacation, and HR has gone on a bonding/training retreat.

Rolf, Ammon, Roxis, Ardilla, and Thelonious (the Monk) are all hanging around the Guild tavern. Artificer and adventurer Val giertz is drinking at the bar. After Roxis seduces her, Val offers the adventurers a trip to her hometown: Kattwaren, a tabaxi hot springs town in the mountains. She would go herself, but she's been kicked out and has no desire to go back. The party accepts, and a very drunk Val sets them up in the portal.

The party lands in a snow bank and encounters a small gray tabaxi man. He asks if they are tourists, and they say they know Val, which disturbs him. Nevertheless, the tabaxi introduces himself as O'Malley and leads the party to Kattwaren proper. He offers them a walking tour and provides brief directions, but the tour is declined. Roxis, Ammon, and Ardilla go to a nearby clothing and yarn outlet (Kittn Mittons), where Roxis picks up some yarn "for later." The three head to the nearby general store, where Ammon and Ardilla stock up on supplies and Roxis flirts with a goliath tourist.

Meanwhile, Rolf and Thelonious go to the artificers' guild, a building full of tabaxi working hard on Rube Goldberg-styled appliances. Rolf inquires about Val's past, earning a scolding from a nearby tabaxi, and learns Val was kicked out for creating a murderous robot dog and causing general destruction during her past as a speed racer.

While Thelonious examines the guild's wares, Rolf disguises himself as Val and bursts into the guildhall. What follows is a wild Benny Hill chase between Rolf-Val and the mob of tabaxi artificers. He attempts to hide in Kittn Mittons, but the mob tracks him down, grabs him, and chucks him out of town. When the mob separates, Rolf drops his disguise spell and rejoins the party. (Rolf earned inspiration for this chicanery.)

The party goes into a nearby weed shop and meet a stoned tabaxi. He tells them about some aliens he might have seen and tries to sell them some weird purple "space weed." Rolf buys out an entire case of weed, and the party heads to the hot springs. There, they meet Val's daughter, the manager, and Roxis admits she and Val slept together. Val's daughter blushes and lets the party into the hot springs, a large cave with a hole blown through the sunset-facing side. Rolf dumps a good bit of weed into a hot spring, getting himself and Ardilla (now an otter) VERY high. Roxis finds that female goliath and some of her friends, and gets one step closer to seducing her. Ammon and Thelonious enjoy the hot spring.

A bright flash of light streaking through the sky interrupts their relaxation as the mountain begins to shake. The party quickly gets dressed and heads to the center of town, where the tabaxi have gathered to investigate. They charge the party with this task while the townsfolk prepare their defenses. On the hike up to the summit, Roxis and Thelonious gather scraps of a bizarre lightweight metal in hopes of making better weapons.

When the party reaches the top, they find an airship has crashed. Large creatures in monocled diving helmets and redcoat uniforms scout the area. While Thelonious sneaks around to do some recon, Rolf sends his duplicate to greet the creatures. Their leader removes his helmet and reveals he is a giff (British hippo-man), General Biff Wellington. He and his crew were exploring the galaxy when something nasty from space invaded their ship and caused an engine failure. They view the party as lower life forms, but accept their help in killing the space pests.

As everyone heads down to the engineering bay through the ship, the giff takes notes on the party. Ammon takes notes on the giff, and Roxis pretends to take notes (and flirts with an orderly). Reaching their destination, Wellington leaves the party to investigate while he supervises his crew. A group of space ticks with tentacled faces attack the party, and are dispatched with Rolf's Spirit Guardians, Ardilla in wolf form, and some shooting.

Wellington returns as the party rests, and confirms that they bought space weed, an illicit substance among the giff. He also mentions that two engineering grunts--Howard and Jenkins--may still be alive. Ammon requests and receives a giff-sized space pistol for the fight. The party enters the next room and find a giff (Jenkins) slumped over on a control panel. As Wolf-Ardilla, Rolf, and Thelonious stabilize Jenkins and get him out of the room, a horrific cross between a centipede, squid, and a Bobbitt worm attacks the party. Ardilla pins the thing to the floor after it ensnares Thelonious to eat his brain. With a lot of shooting, hacking, slashing, and Ammon getting his brain partially eaten, the thing is killed.

With some brief investigation, the party determines the space beast killed Howard, ate him, and used the remains to incubate its eggs (the ticks). The giff applaud the party, reward them with 300 gold, and trade with Ammon for the space gun. They follow the party to Kattwaren to negotiate for ship repairs. Rolf tells the giff that the tabaxi love the word "Val."

The party enjoy the rest of their vacation, and return to Purity well-rested and a little blazed.

DM Notes

Rolf received inspiration for his Disguise Self shenanigans.
The cat running the weed shop was based off Bucky from Get Fuzzy.
I had no idea what to call the space beasts, so I just called them "Howards."