2018-08-25 - BARDQUEST: Rats in the Sewer
Rumble is a tiefling bard. Coach is a human bard. Keet is not a bard but plays the dulcimer. Dreaming is a warlock with bard levels. Lock is also a tiefling bard.
These few, this band of bards was summoned into the Humanoid Resources office for some form of troublemaking. Guild Quartermaster Luther expressed his displeasure with the group's individual antics, particularly with Lock's theft of a ship and the subsequent orgy held on that ship. As punishment for their indiscretions, the band were sent to clean the sewers as punishment and character-building. They received a rendez-vous point where they would meet an individual named Graeg.
Once the band arrived at the basement entrance, they found the place splattered in a dark substance that may or may not be blood (based on some low investigation rolls). They went down into the basement's network of tunnels. The party agreed not to kill the small gelatinous cube serving as a Fantasy Roomba as Rumble scouted ahead (with reckless abandon) and triggered a trap (also with reckless abandon). This trap caused a ruckus in the next room, giving a group of goblins some time to barricade themselves inside for an ambush.
The goblins were quickly dispatched save for two survivors (one particularly scared of Keet). The band interrogated them and found out a gang of criminals had been using the Guildhall basement for some illegal records storage. After some healing from Keet, the goblins fled for their lives, warning the band that the enemies ahead wouldn't be so talkative. And so the band forged ahead, entertaining a debate on fantasy racism between Coach, Rumble, and Lock. It went just about as well as you would expect.
Meanwhile, Dreaming sent his familiar to scout ahead and found a bunch of dwarves escorting a beat-up fishman down a hole in the basement. After some more motivation (?) from Coach, the band confronted the three remaining dwarves, one of them stunning Lock. Before any real fight could occur, the ground began to shake and rattle as a baby land shark rolled out from the dirt walls and crushed one of the dwarves. A glorious battle ensued involving lots of stabs, bites, and inspiring speeches. Ultimately, the band was victorious and performed an impressing eulogy for their fallen foe.
And Thus, the Land Shark Died.
The band interrogated the only surviving dwarf, who told them the Gold Ocean Gang was using the basement as storage. The Guild bought the land to build the guildhall from the gang after their more legitimate activities went bankrupt. The Gang now wants revenge on the Guild for allegedly going back on their deal to hire the Gang after buying the land. After a disagreement, the band left the dwarf tied up with 1 HP and FINALLY made it to the basement.
Down in the sewers, the band contemplated becoming a real band, prompting some motivational talk from Coach. The injured fishman, Graeg (who was Old), called out for help and demeaned the motivational speech. He elaborated that he used to work for the Gang but left when Purity paid him more. He was attacked and left in the sewer to die. He offered the band an ultimatum: get rid of the remaining Gang members, and Graeg will claim they cleaned the sewers and let them off scot-free. When Lock asked if Graeg ever drank Baileys from a shoe, Graeg said that stuff was weak and pulled out a flask of alcohol.
The band disposed of a ghoul and reached a small dock. Two dwarves supervised by three hooded figures were loading a rowboat with assumedly stolen goods. Lock convinced the criminals to let the band join the Gang, which prompted the hooded figures to release a trio of crocodiles? alligators? crockigators on the party, commanding the dwarves to fight as well. In the ensuing fight (set to a STOMP montage as determined by the band):
• Rumble and Dreaming attempted to wrestle off the crockigators with varying success • The bards motivated each other to do their best and not die • Keet flew after the boat and destroyed it with a particularly good Guiding Bolt • Lock used his pirating skills to commandeer a rowboat and sort of catch up to the hooded figures • Through some ill-gotten means (likely swimming), the hooded figures escaped
The crockigators were dispatched and one of the dwarves captured (and entertained with a riveting performance). Everyone returned to the HR office with Graeg and the hostage in tow. Luther was shocked to find out about the attack and more aggravated to find out the Gold Ocean Gang was still around. Nevertheless, he offered the band compensation for their efforts. Lock leveraged this information to extort more gold out of Luther (who will remember this blackmail).
Yet so many questions remain unanswered. What was the Gang trying to retrieve from the basement? Who were those ominous hooded figures? Is there a rat lurking within the Guild? How in the bloody hell did a land shark get into the basement of a planar dimension? And will we ever see this band of bards again?
I sure hope the answer to that last question is YES.